I promise you, I absolutely promise you I have tried to avoid writing about this story. It first popped up about three years ago, and is so far outside the realm of common sense that I haven’t wanted to damage my own credibility by retelling it.
Still, more and more HOAs around the country are turning to DNA analysis to find out whose dog is pooping on whose lawn.
There’s nothing that drives an HOA board member nuttier than seeing someone else’s dog squat on an unapproved lawn. And technology has made it cheaper for an HOA to actually trace a dog dump.
Remember the days of OJ Simpson when a DNA test took eight weeks and cost about fifty thousand dollars? These days you can get an overnight DNA test for about eighty bucks. Which brings up HOAs like the one in Austin, that now require all dog owners to have their pets “registered.” I guess that means a doggie cheek swab? I don’t know for sure, but it’s a sure fire way of getting even with a next door neighbor who keeps walking his dog past your mailbox.
If you see an unauthorized poop, you can now grab a spoonful and send it to the HOA’s lab. A few hours later, you have enough evidence to go bash in your neighbor’s door.
Life is grand, isn’t it?